Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Childhood innocence, naivety or just a lying daddy..

Whilst driving back from a late-night (for an eight year-old girl) shopping trip to Tesco (not Tescos or Tesco's as some are wont to call it); Holly saw a road sign on the Nottingham ring-road that was pointing the way to Ruddington and Bunny...

Holly asked me, "Dad, what's Ruddington Bunny?"

I thought for a moment and an evil plan was hatched in the dark recesses of my, somewhat twisted, brain.

"Well Holly... Ruddington Bunny is actually a farm that sells an animal called the 'Ruddington Bunny. It is a rabbit that is the size of a cow and has teeth the size of an anglican church bible; razor-sharp and could cut through the car in one bite.. The Ruddington Bunny is very tasty though. I had one when I was younger, before I met Anna."

"How do you catch a rabbit that is the size of a cow?" asked Holly in all her tender innocence.

"Well!" says I, "the farm house next to the field has got a helicopter and the pilot has to fly over the field and shoot it with a minigun.."

"Oh!..... How do you keep them in the field?"

"There has to be a 15 metre high electric fence around the field because they can jump 10 metres..."

"Wow!... What do they eat?"

"Sheep.... They just release some into the field and let the rabbits chase them down and kill them.."






"You do know all this is lies don't you..."


"Yup - Daddy is a scumbag!"



"Daddy - will you pray that I don't get any nightmares...."

"Sure thing Sweetie... Dear God..."

Parents eh! Who'd have them!